No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
