It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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