just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize