U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
