With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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