this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
