My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I am naked and annoyed.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
