someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
