Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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