How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
