I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
