At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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