Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
