My hand turned me down
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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