So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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