How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
