He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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