Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize