would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
