I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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