Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
