I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
