Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
