Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
