You smell like stripper and shame
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize