If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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