Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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