it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Randomize
