Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
