no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
