Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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