i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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