He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize