I'm drive I can fine osifer
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Bring me that man meat
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
