your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize