I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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