I wannas sexs uuuuu
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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