Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize