I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize