My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize