i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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