one word: firstdatebathroomanal
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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