I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
