bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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