My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You ruined the universe
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
