I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
