i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
