Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
