Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
