I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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