You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
