You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
where does the pee come out of this thing
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
