Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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