dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
