I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
The ass gains better be worth it
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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