When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
