I'm eating all of the evidence.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
