it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
