just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
