You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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