Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
