Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize