He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
