did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
