You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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