Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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