I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
