I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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