any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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