At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
