If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
