so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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