she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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