like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize