I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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